happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize