aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
