you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
