The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
