im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I will die if light touches me.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
