Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Randomize
