she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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