I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
