i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
