for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
