It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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