Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
