ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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