why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Your penis caused this!
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