she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
