there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
