Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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