I think i peed on brittanys purse
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
