drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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