A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
