I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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