I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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