She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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