he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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