Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
