i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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