he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
