id be glad to
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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