Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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