my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
