i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
