she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Bring me that man meat
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
