First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
