Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
