Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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