So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
