Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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