The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
