come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Randomize
