I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
