im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize