it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
