I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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