I can't breathe out the right side of my face
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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