I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
it's like iHOP with fire
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I am one with the molecules
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
