Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
