i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
be right there i have to get my cape
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
