I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
