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just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
