They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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