my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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