I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
