Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize