I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
