if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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