I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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