R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
