I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
