Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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