Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
