They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
