i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize