I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
