did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
