I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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