Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
