I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
