This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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