Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I love you.
Bad choice
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
