it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
