We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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