Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
either way he was missing a nipple.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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