You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
