I just saw a hot homeless man
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
