I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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