this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
