I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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