I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
