he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize