Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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