Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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