I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
