she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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