just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize