I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
