I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Houston, we have a blender
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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