He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
