No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
