Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
It's blow job season.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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