I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Randomize
