I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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