True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
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That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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