I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
