You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize