I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
