did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
