Your face is a jimmy john
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
