After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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