This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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