one two three fourrrrnication!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
