I think i sorta joined a cult last night
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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